Kiss My Sass – the dark art of “Sass-talkin’”
I went on holidays to America at the beginning of the year, and on a night out in Brooklyn a couple of guys started chatting me up. I was pretty tired and not at all in the mood for being hit on at this stage of the night, and I’d already had a couple of drinks, so I basically mocked them until they went away. One of our American friends present wanted to know why I’d “sass talked” those guys.
Sass talking? What is this concept? I was both amazed and excited. Apparently in the US they actually have a specific name for the action of paying out guys that are showing you some unwanted attention.
Monica’s personal rules for sass talking:
Pick your fights
Don’t verbally smash that poor guy who was just asking you where the bathrooms were. It wasn’t a pick up attempt, he clearly needed to pee. Keep it for the guys who won’t take a hint and need an extra push in the direction of the door.
Keep your sense of humour
This isn’t humiliation. You’re trying to get them to leave you alone, not stop them from ever attempting to pick up another person ever again. Sass talking is all about amusingly pointing out the other person’s lame attempt to crack onto you, not about making them feel like a loser.
Don’t be a bitch
Nobody likes a bitch. You can mock someone’s pick up attempt without making it a personal attack.
It cuts both ways
If you’re sass talking someone and they give as good as they’re getting, go along for the ride. They’re probably worth the conversation.
A couple of weeks ago, I was out with a group of my friends from work (I work at an engineering company so it was a group of about 10 guys, and me). One of my girl friends turned up and I wanted to chat with her privately so we went to a separate table nearby. As soon as we get separated from my work friends, this guy stumbles over from a nearby table and interrupts our conversation.
Guy: “Can I get your opinion on something? Would you date a guy if you’d found out he’d previously had gay sex?”
Monica: “I can see about three women sitting in your group. They’re your friends, right?”
Monica: “Did you ask them this question before you came and asked us?”
Guy: “Yes, I just wanted to get a broader perspective.”
Monica: “So after you’ve talked to us, to make sure you’ve got the broadest perspective, are you going to go and ask the same question of that group of guys over there?”
I point to my engineer friends.
Guy: “Umm… yes.”
Guy leaves, without talking to engineer friends.
Monica 1 – 0 Guy.
Do you have any stories about sass talking? Have you adroitly and hilariously managed to get rid of an unwanted suitor? Or perhaps you yourself have been sass talked and don’t mind sharing your tale? Leave a comment below!